Let’s talk about FEAR. Fear is a powerful emotional and physiological response to danger, perceived or real. Fear is a necessary response in protecting ourselves against threats. Fear also keeps us from accomplishing our goals, or hell even setting goals. Fear can affect all aspects of our lives.
Fear is what keeps us from jumping off cliffs or walking down dark allies at night, but it’s also what keeps us from taking that new job, downsizing your home, or moving to new locations.
Fear. Love it or hate it, it’s there.
Fear has kept me in a job too long.
Coming straight out of college in to an elite internship in one of the top emergency rooms in our area was a dream come true. However, after 5 years the dynamics of the place I had once loved so much began to change. No longer were we valued employees, part of a team that brought incredible care to our patients, but rather just a warm body to circulate patients through like cattle.
I knew I was unhappy. I knew that I dreaded driving to work. And I knew that I needed to make a change. However, it was fear that kept me from doing anything about this negativity.
Fear that I would be just as miserable at the next hospital (maybe it was just me), fear that my skills weren’t good enough and I would fail, and fear that I was leaving the work family that had raised me. All of that fear kept me in a job that I no longer enjoyed.
You can’t complain about something you’re not making an effort to change.
It took over a year for my husband to convince me to make a change. Over a year to convince me to make the leap and try something new. Over a year of being miserable in a career I had once been so passionate about. Hindsight I realized it was, in fact, my ‘job’ that had changed. The love of my career was still there.
I joined a group of valued employees at an up and coming hospital in a neighboring town. Once again, I was a part of a team, a group of people who worked together from doctors to nurses to supervisors. Everyone was viewed as equally important in running an efficient emergency room. Care for patients was once again my priority and the politics of healthcare were put on the backburner (for now).
“It’s not just happiness fear can hold you back from, but unexpected benefits of making change.”
That neighboring town was just far enough away to be considered a ‘travel assignment’. It was a 7-month contract that nearly doubled my annual income. Nearly doubled!
Overcoming the fear of changing jobs has created a life I had never imagined. It is a career hack that I pass on to whomever will listen. Don’t think inside the box. Be open to change, and don’t let fear dictate your career path.
Fear has caused us to buy more house than we need.
What is it about the fear of not having enough? Whether it’s enough food for an upcoming barbecue, enough clothes packed for a trip, or enough space for your ‘growing family’. There is always a fear of not having enough.
One of the biggest fears in this generation is the fear of not having enough house. Whether it’s to keep up appearances or to try to predict the amount of house that would be ideal for your family in 10 years, there is a real fear of not getting a big enough home.
Our Mistake(s):
We I have fallen victim to this not once, but twice in our short life as grown ups together. Our first home was nearly 3,000 square feet. 3,000… There were only two of us at the time but I foresaw a house full of kids each needing their own room, family gatherings where we needed at least 1-2 guest bedrooms, and the need for unlimited storage for all of the things we would accumulate over the years.
Guess what. It was WAY too much home. Even before we began our journey to financial independence I knew this. So we sold.
Second home wasn’t much better. It was a new build, my ‘dream home’. Nearly 2,200 square feet of perfection. Tray ceilings, crown molding, long hallways, huge bedrooms, even HUGER kitchen, 8’ doors to increase storage space, the works. Sounds pretty impressive right!? It was.
BUT… it brought our family
no more value than the rental we had lived in for 9 months waiting for our ‘dream home’ to be built. What did that mean? We were wasting money!
The idea of budgeting and financial independence doesn’t mean that you force yourself to live the most minimalistic lifestyle possible, but it does mean you have to focus your money on your values. This ‘dream home’ brought us no extra value! My fear of not having space, perfect finishes, my lake view, and a brand-new home caused us to, again, buy more house than we needed.
Fast forward to the present time. We are days away from closing on our new home. It may not be new, it may not have ideal finishes, and it may be smaller, BUT it’s perfect! It has more than enough room for the 3 of us, space for my office, and it’s in amazing condition. Ironically, it’s the same layout as the home we had rented while waiting for our ‘dream home’ to be built.
Crazy thing fear is. I was so afraid we needed a bigger house, but we were perfectly happy in that rental. Maybe even happier in fact. There was less to take care of, we only had the belongings we valued, and there was no wasted space. Oh, and the rental payment was nice! So nice that I dreamt of it one day being our mortgage. GOAL OBTAINED.
Fear nearly cost us hundreds of thousands of dollars over the lifetime of our mortgage, and for what?
If it doesn’t bring you value, don’t be afraid to get rid of it!
We’re all braver than we think. There have been a few times that I’ve not even thought of the fear and just made a ‘risky’ decision. Oddly enough, those are the decisions that I’ve never looked back on. Doesn’t work out 100% of the time, but it just proved to me even more that fear is the biggest factor holding you back.
Fear Has Moved Us Forward
Moved in together after only 1 month
I won’t elaborate too much, but the ‘riskiest’ thing I’ve done (at least according to our parents, friends and family) was moving in together after only a month of dating. This was topped only by the purchase of our first home at the 6 month mark. YIKES!
But that was something I never thought twice about. There was no fear. We were weird and I knew that meant we worked.
By weird I mean we instantly combined our bank accounts. Hey, when you both start with nothing what is there to fear?
We also both truly enjoyed being with one another. There were discussions instead of fights, compromise instead of pacifying, and an ongoing competition to see who could make the other feel more loved. Weird, I know, but sometimes weird things make sense!
Paid off all our debt and jumped head first into the path to FIRE.
Here is by far the scariest thing we have been ‘fearless’ about.
We had previously lived a pretty frugal lifestyle. We had limited debt and lived very comfortably, but after our IVF process we faced over $120,000 in cumulative debt and we were terrified. We now had a baby on the way and we couldn’t bring her in to the mess we created. That fear made us realize we needed to do something. That fear is actually what made us fearless!
My hubby did his research. He dove head first in to the financial community and pulled all kinds of information, tips and tricks for getting out of debt. He came up with a plan.
He didn’t, however, come up with the best plan for getting me involved. He came home one day and simply said “We’re going to pay off $120,000 in the next 2 years. Let’s make a budget.”
Gulp.
Truth be told I guess I did have a bit of fear, but immediately told fear to hit the road and joined my hubby on our journey.
It took a few months for me to adapt to the minor changes, and a few more months for me to embrace the budgeting. Once we made our final payment on my car I was hooked! I was know the one lowering our grocery budget, searching for ways to make money on the side, and downsizing our life little by little.
That fear we had about our debt is what fueled us to be where we are today. We’ve gone from a negative net worth to over a quarter million in a little over 2 years. We beat our initial goal to pay off that $120,000 and did so before our daughter was even born.
None of us consider ourselves brave, but I can guarantee you that there have been countless times you have been fearless.
Think about those times next time you’re afraid to make a change, to try something new, or to move forward in life. It’s fear that holds us back and fear that can move us forward.
I am sure that fear will rear its’ ugly head many more times in our life. I have no doubt. I will be overcome with fear when we reach the point of pulling the FIRE trigger. Life is about balance though, and a healthy dose of fear is necessary. We just sometimes must commit to overcoming it.
See how we paid off debt and conquered our fears:
- How We Paid off $120k in debt
- My Ultimate Side Hustle
- Think You Don’t Have Time to Meal Prep? Think Again
- Our IVF Journey – to debt
- Fire Drill Podcast – Talking IVF and Finances
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“You can’t complain about something you’re not making an effort to change.” I’m doing my best to live by this but it is so hard! Change is so, so hard and scary.
My fear of my new job manifested into physical symptoms, no sleep, weight gain, and migraines. I was so stressed and scared. It’s so hard to tell ourselves it’s unfounded fear.
I do try to remind myself of all the times I’ve been brave like you suggested! It does help my calm crazy.
Hi Steph!
It’s insane what fear can do to you. Sometimes it’s warranted, but many times it’s just our mind screwing with us.
There’s a huge difference between conquering fear and ignoring your gut though. Hard to tell the difference, but fear is usually a series of irrational thoughts and worries that can eat you alive. Your gut, on the other hand, just nudges you in the right direction.
Another favorite thing my husband taught me was to stop and take a deep breath. Just stop take a deep breath listen to your gut and write down your thoughts on your career and a career change. A pros and cons list of sorts.
You’ll figure out out:)
Thanks for this. I’m in a bit of a similar situation, but I’m working on it! It helps to read the experience of others.
It really does. I love reading Other’s stories on how to get out of debt, their parenting styles, and their life experiences with their career and making big plunges just like starting a business. Not sure if it affects any of my decisions but sometimes makes me feel more confident about them.
It’s not even that any of us have this vast amount of wisdom, it’s just that we all have life experiences we’ve learned from. I think it’s neat to share them!
I love that — you can’t complain about something that you’re not actively trying to change. Great insight. It’s amazing to look back at my own life and consider how many decisions were impacted by fear. Thanks for sharing!
Hi Ellen!
That’s one of my favorite sayings. Sometimes life does hit us hard or your career changes in to something you don’t love. You have no control over that, but I learned we do have control over how we respond to it!
Agree with your points on fear, it can totally hold you back or set you running for a goal.