It’s 11:30 at night. You’ve got one eye on the baby monitor and the other on the clock. You’re just counting down the minutes until you should go back in and pick the baby up. You started putting the babes to bed at 7:45. You were lucky. She went down so easily. The sleep teaching worked. But then 30 minutes later she was back up and 30 minutes after that up again. You rock, sing, comfort every way you know how but she just won’t stay asleep. Finally, she’s down and you’re so exhausted you pass out before you can even kiss your husband goodnight.

It’s 3am. The video monitor detects movement. The sound monitor goes off. First a little whimper then a full blown cry. That would be startling to most, but you’re already awake. Your body naturally wakes up around this time because it has for the past 11 months. You used to run to the sound but now you know better and take the 30 seconds to empty your bladder before trekking across the house to comfort your baby.

You’re a mom. You’ve given up on sleep. At least that’s how it feels at our house. 

Every night is a little different. Most nights we go down easy but babes may wake up 30 minutes later then seemingly every 1-2 hours after that. She may fight the sleep initially but then pass out and not wake up until 4am. Or babes may surprise you one night and go down peacefully at 7 not waking up again until 5 or 6am even though you were up from 3:30-4:30 anticipating her waking up. Those blissful nights are few and far between but very welcome.

Though all these nights are different, they have something in common. Mommy is not sleeping well.

It’s been 11 months since we started our sleeping journey with our little girl and I’m tired! It’s ok to say it mommies. You can’t be expected to be up all night, take care of the babes and the house during the day, still have energy to life, and God forbid if you have a full-time job! It’s exhausting.

Let me give you a little background. Babes was colicky her first 6 months. And not the blissful 2-4 hours a day of crying that defines colic that I could only dream of, but 16 – yes SIXTEEEN – hours of crying per day. The only thing that would semi-soothe her was nursing but even that wasn’t enough in most cases. We bounced, rocked, swung, drove around and did anything and everything suggested. Long story short, we didn’t sleep for the first 3 months and the following 3 were a bit of a blur but I know it started to improve in that time. Still, very little sleep.

So, what I’m trying to get at is that I know how you feel. Even those with the worst sleepers out there, mommas I get you. I get that you would do anything and everything to comfort your little ones. I get that as much help as he is, sometimes you curse your husband under your breath because he gets a minute or 2 more sleep than you do. I get that you put that baby before yourself – you haven’t showered in days (thank the Lord for dry shampoo), you think you ate today, you KNOW you’ve reached capacity on your coffee intake, and you can’t remember the last time you looked completely put together. I get it. You’re tired.

You’re tired and it’s ok. This isn’t a post on how to solve your baby’s sleeping issues, how to get sleep despite a sleepless baby, or how to have energy on 2 hours of interrupted sleep. It’s a post from one tired mom to another just saying you’re not alone. You’re not the only one holding back tears because you want to be strong for your family but deep down you feel like you just want a little break and a guilt free nap. You’re not the only one trying your hardest to look good for the day but inside you feel like a zombie and know you haven’t washed your hair in 4 (ok maybe 5) days. You’re not the only one up at all hours of the night feeling like it will never end. You’re not alone.

You can read every sleep book there is out there – I’m pretty sure I have. You can try the no cry, the cry-it-out, the Ferber, the 5 days to sleep method. You can try it all. Sometimes those little boogers just don’t want to sleep! Even if I tell you not to waste your time or your money on any and every sleep solution book, course, and video out there, I know you will. I know you will because I did. When you reach the point of exhaustion there is nothing you wouldn’t do, say or buy to get just a little bit of precious sleep.

I just gave up.

I said it. I gave up. Sure I’ll make an attempt to get the baby to sleep in her own crib. Make an attempt at getting her down without nursing her to sleep. Make an attempt to let her cry for a few minutes in order to learn to soothe herself back to sleep. But when it comes down to it if I have to nurse her to sleep while lying in my bed I’ll do it. I’ll put her in her stroller or car seat for naps and I’ll leave her sleeping in there for as long as that little princess would like. Why? Because momma needs her sanity. I need that little bit of time where I can get a few chores done, nap on the garage floor if she’s still sleeping in the car, sit in silence, or even get a little bit of hanky panky time with my hubby. I need that little bit of time so I don’t go insane from a lack of sleep.

Ever taken a 15 minute power nap in the middle of the afternoon? Before baby: just ok and something we all take for granted. After baby: HEAVEN. BEST FEELING EVER!

So have faith tired mommas. Know that we will make it through like every momma before us. Know they won’t be this little forever. In fact, they won’t be this little for long at all. Aside from giving up I’ve also changed my thought process in order to cope with the sleep deprivation. That little person relies on you for everything at this point. You are the center of their world and only you can comfort them like you do. That’s a pretty amazing feeling if you stop and think about it. So I give up on trying to sleep train teach my babes. If all she wants is milkies and cuddles to sleep then I’ll give it to her. If she wakes up 5 times a night I’ll take some deep breaths and know that there’s a lot of coffee in my future, and if I don’t sleep well for another few months I know it’ll be ok. Just like those first few months of colic one day this will all be a blur and we will be wishing for our little babies to want us to rock them to sleep.

No sleep? It’s ok momma. We will get through this. Just know you’re not alone.

Comment below and let me know some of the ways you cope!

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